To Work Or Not To Work?

If you know anything about me, you will know that I basically struggle every single day with the fact that I don't go into work.  I know, I know, being a stay at home mom is the hardest job on the planet.  I've heard it many times.  Yes, it is difficult, but it's still a struggle wondering if I am doing what is best for me.  I'm sure I'm doing what is best for my girls, I have no doubts about that.  I also admit, my life is much much easier now that I have free time instead of the constant feeding, chasing, and playing schedule that I once had.

Ever since the Bear was born, I would dream of "getting away" to work for a bit.  A part time job would just be ideal.  Come to find out, that's what most stay at home moms feel, but unfortunately there aren't a lot of part time jobs out there.

I feel like there are a variety of us.  The ones that live for their kids and think that staying at home is the best thing in the world, and the other moms that thought it would be best for the family but aren't quite sure it is best for themselves.  I think I am the mom that thinks it is best for my family but not sure about if it is best for me.

This post was triggered by a conversation I had at soccer last night with another stay at home mom.  One that fits in the first category.  Inevitably, when your youngest nears kindergarten, people will start asking you if you'll go back to work.  I throw that option around in my head all the time.  In my family, we are very fortunate that I don't have to go back to work.  Yes, the extra money would be nice, but it is not something we need.  Because I don't have to, I look at my friends who try to juggle work, sports, family, and actually having a personal life.  I do not envy them, and so this is my take on the whole stay at home parenting thing with regards to my life...

When my kids were babies and toddlers, being a stay at home mom was the most difficult job I have ever had.  It was 24/7, it was demanding, and the only reward I got was tons of crying and diaper changes with a few hugs, smiles, and kisses.  For many, that is enough.  For me, it made me cry...a lot.  No free time, no life to do what I wanted to do, no job to give me my identity, it was hard.  As the Bear got older and went to preschool, I started to get a tiny bit of me time and life wasn't as difficult.  It's amazing what 2 hours to yourself will do for your mood.  Then, Little was born and the free time went away again.  Fortunately, I had hubby around a lot more and I knew what to expect with my second, so it wasn't as difficult.  I still felt the pull to have my me time and dreamed of getting my identity back with a job.

As the Bear got older and started kindergarten and Little started preschool, I finally felt like I could breath.  I started working out more, I started hanging out with my friends more.  I started finding my identity that no job could give me.  Without having a job, I was able to explore who I feel I really am. I am no longer a video editor as I was when I went into work.  I am a social and active person.  After 7.5 years, I can say I am so grateful to my husband for working hard and for giving me this opportunity to let my life fall into place.  I am happy with where I am.  I no longer feel life as a stay at home mom is the most difficult thing in the world.  Getting through those first 6 - 7 years was tough, I'll admit, but I'm sure it was best for the kids even if it wasn't the best for me at the time.

Now, this comes back to my conversation with the mom at soccer.  When both girls are in elementary school, I don't want to go back to work full time.  I want to find something to do to keep me busy and make money, but my job does not give me my identity.  I want to be there after school, I want to travel and go to the pool in the summer.  I respect the women who work full time (whether they want to or have to) and shuttle their children everywhere and juggle home life.  I think that is the most difficult job when your children are elementary age.  I can't imagine juggling it all, and for that, you working moms get my respect and my working mom friends around here know I am always here to help you in any way I can.

The mom at soccer said to me, "I don't see myself being a CEO and I don't care about being the best at work.  All I care about is being the best mom I can be and that means I won't go back to work, ever."  I think what I care about is being the best to me that I can be because that will make me be the best mom I can be, whether I stay at home or work.  Maybe it's selfish, but I have decided that when you lose your identity as a person then you can't be the best mom, wife, or friend until you find it again.

Hello

If you haven't noticed, I haven't really been around lately.  Don't worry, I won't be upset if you haven't noticed.  I'm pretty sure only one or two people actually read my blog anyway!  There really isn't any reason for not writing, other than I don't have much to say.  I realized this week how crazy our lives are until school starts again in August. It's only 4 months, but that's exhausting to even think about!

Part of my lack of energy for writing is my spirited 4 year old.  Seriously, I don't remember the Bear being so mean.  Maybe I was just lucky with the Bear or maybe Little is just really really mean.  Either way, I'm sure we are getting a preview of the teenage years.  Little drains us mentally, the Bear drains us physically.

The Bear has decided that she can't give up any activities because she just loves everything so much.  I am not the type of mom that just makes her choose one sport, so we now spend all week going from one activity to the next.  Monday and Saturday we have soccer, Tuesdays and Thursdays we have softball, Tuesday and Thursday mornings is Spanish (before school), and Wednesday is swimming.  I asked her why we have to do everything and not just one or two and she said she wants to be the best she can be at all of the things she loves.  I have no clue where she gets her competitive spirit:)  I figure she could be doing worse things and staying active is a great way to stay out of trouble in the future, so as long as school is still going well, I'll let her.  I'm sure she'll have to make choices at some point.

All of this kid stuff is seriously putting a dent in my friend time.  I am like a kid too.  I look forward to my time with my friends and "playing" outside.  I don't know that I've ever really grown up in that way.  I hear of all of these moms that never have time to have an adult conversation or just relax with friends.  I do it all the time.  Seriously, I am super lucky and have awesome friends.

I'm sure spring will pass quickly and we will be on to summer.  We have camps, Little has school, we get to see my brother and nephew 2 times, we get to go to San Diego where we'll see our San Diego friends and our Iowa friends who have moved away.  There will also be lots and lots of babies will be born this summer.  With this schedule, I don't know how my blogging I'll be doing, but I'll check in here and there!

Mama, Do You Love Me?

I think most parents know the book, "Mama, Do You Love Me?"  Well, Little cracked me up this morning and those of you who know her may find this humorous.  This isn't funny, but she was mad at the Bear and dumped her crumbs from her bowl on the table and then threw the bowl.  This got her in trouble and she had to do some cleaning.

So, now the Bear is at school and it is just me and Little eating breakfast (yes, still, Little eats "breakfast" all morning).  Little looks at me and goes, "Mama, do you love me?" 
"Yes, Little, I'll always love you." 
"Even when I dump the cereal?"
"Yes."
"Even when I yell at the Bear?"
"Yes."
"Even when I'm bad at school?"
"Yes."
"Even when I hit my friends?"
"Yes."
"Even when I scream and cry and you make me leave the dinner table?"
"Yes."
"Even when I come out of my room at bedtime?"
"Yes."
"Phew!"

Well, at least she knows all of the things she shouldn't be doing! 

Quiet

When you're a parent with kids still in the house, one thing you rarely get is quiet.  As I was cooking dinner tonight, both girls were talking non-stop as they bounced on their bouncy balls in the kitchen and living room all around me.  At the same time, my neighbor was talking to me on Voxer, my radio was on, and my other neighbor stopped by with her kid.  This is all just normal life for me and I rarely realize how loud it really is my house until moments like right now.  Right now, hubby took the girls to swim lessons, and my dog and I are just laying around in a quiet house.  I have the next hour and 14 minutes to myself in complete silence. 

I try to remember back to before kids.  I honestly wonder how life was ever stressful or difficult then.  I went to work and then I could do whatever I wanted to do when I got home.  I walked my dog every morning before work and only had to worry about preparing my breakfast, lunch, and getting myself dressed.  Sure, I sat on the 5 South for an hour to get to work and then 5 North for an hour to get home. That was stressful, but I didn't do it with a screaming or hungry kid in the car.  Now, sitting in that traffic would seem relaxing.  It would be quiet, right?

With the many many babies being born to so many people I love in the year 2012, I think about the ones that are doing this for the first time.  Do they realize how precious the quiet time they have right now is?  I never realized it.  Do they realize how good they have it right now?  Not that I really mind the chaos, but my house is loud.  Ask my friends.  I don't have quiet girls.  Even their talking voices are louder than most screaming voices.  Their inside voices are louder than most outside voices.  I'm pretty much used to it though, I don't usually realize until bedtime or moments like these how loud my house usually is.  I also happen to be one of those parents that allows kids to come over most days of the week.  That means I rarely have just 2 kids hanging around, it's more like 3 or 4.

While I was thinking about this life on my way home from Michigan, I asked my mom about the empty nest syndrome.  I figure before I know it, my kids will be old and leaving me.  She said it is really difficult to get used to having no more kids living in your house and not having activities to go to.  Then, she said you get over that really fast and it sure is nice to have quiet again.  Love my mom, that's probably exactly how I'll feel.

This Week

Do you ever feel like things are just going right?  I don't know, but since last week's bout with sickness, life is pretty good.  Everyone seems better, even the dog.  She's back to sunbathing and being just a little to friendly to the neighbors.  I'm back to running, Insanity, and drinking wine.  The Bear is back to school and playing with friends.  Little is, well, just Little.  Not much changes from when she feels bad to when she feels good.  She specializes in be exceptionally cute and being a huge pain in the ass.  She has perfected keeping it at an equal balance, so just when you are about to scream because she has driven you nuts, she'll say, "I sure do love you, Mommy" and gives out big hugs.  She has the routine down.

The Bear lost another tooth today.  That's number 8.  I'm hoping I have money so I don't have to borrow some from her to pay the Tooth Fairy's debt.  Yes, that has happened.  She never knew, I replaced it before she figured it out. The thing about this tooth is the determination she had to remove it.  She bit into a piece of cereal and it got really loose.  She jumped up from the table, grabbed a paper towel, and spent the next 10 minutes pulling and wiggling it til it came out.  She has come a long way from the dangling front tooth!

Little has decided to change preschools.  We never thought that would happen, but one day she asked if she could switch to the bigger school with her BFF.  It was my first realization that she really isn't a baby anymore.  She absolutely loves her school now, but I think she has outgrown it.  We signed her up for the new school and she starts in the summer.

Hubby and I are in the process of training for our first half marathon.  It's kinda hard.  Duh, right?  I've never made it over that 8 mile mark and it's going to happen soon.  It's not so bad when I'm running with a friend or the weather is nice, but how often is the weather nice in Iowa?  I also only have one friend who will run with me!  Odds are not in my favor.

In the past few days, I realized I actually like babies.  I figure I probably made this turn because I no longer carry anyone around.  My baby is 4 and pretty much walks everywhere. She is still like a little monkey, so she is great to carry around when needed.  The Bear is about the same size as a tiny adult, like the size of my Hoosier friend.  I'm not carrying either of them around:)  I realized I liked babies when my neighbor had hers this weekend.  My other neighbor and I went to visit her in the hospital and BOOM, I was struck with baby love.  I have never in my life felt this need to hold a baby, so I was pleasantly shocked.  Although we are happy there is a baby, we are just more excited that my neighbor is no longer pregnant.  Priorities!

We will be hitting the road again this weekend.  I'm taking the girls to see my parents and my grandma.  Hubby gets to go on a nice beer trip with his buddy (you're welcome hubby).  Two weeks after that, we'll be spending our spring break in Indy.  I know you're jealous, everyone wants to spend their spring break in Indianapolis.  I think I'll take a break from traveling after that.  Well, at least for a month and a half because then I'll be heading to Indy 2 times in May and I think I'm gone almost every weekend in June.  So much for having free time!

That's all for this week, maybe I'll check in again soon!

A Little Bit Of This & That

I used to love to take pride in the fact that my family, especially me, rarely gets sick.  Well, this year, the sick Gods have really been laughing at me!  First off, I have to say, a huge huge thank you to my hubby for not being a lazy dad and husband and taking over when needed.  One major problem with being a mom, in my case, a stay-at-home mom, is that you never get to be sick.  You all know know it, dads can be sick because moms are always there to help, but moms are not allowed.  The problem with the stay-at-home part, is that you can't send your kid to day care and be sick alone until the end of the day.  I also don't think my hubby has ever taken a sick day from work to help me, so I was very impressed with his actions this week.  That being said, I haven't been this sick in ages and I have amazing friends who always take my kids when I am sick just so hubby doesn't have to take off of work.  That couldn't happen this time.

I got it, I finally got it.  You've all heard of someone getting that 2 day stomach bug that is going around.  I'm sure, just like me, you thought, "It's a bug, it passes in a couple of days, I sure hope I don't get it, but how bad could it really be?"  Let me tell you now, if you know someone who has it, run the other way.  It is bad, really bad.  I will spare the details, just know, I wanted to die at one point.  Maybe not die, but I almost asked to be taken to the hospital.  Good news though, it passed in 2 days (with the vomiting and stuff only last 3 hours).  So, if you will be unlucky enough to be hit with this, here's the quick and easy rundown.  Don't be away from a bathroom for more than 20 minutes for a span of about 3-5 hours, when it's done, your head and body will ache like you just ran a marathon for the next day or 2, and then, you'll pretty much be back to normal.  I have asked everyone I know who has had this, and that is their experience too.  Also, don't call it the flu, it's not the flu, it's a stomach bug, a mean and nasty stomach bug.  One more thing, which leads into the next fun part of our lives, when I asked the pediatrician about this particular bug today, she said the bad and painful one is mainly seen in older kids and adults (not that the young ones can't have it, just usually not so bad).  So, thank you, hubby, I will hold your hair when you start puking:)

Our next business is the Bear.  As I have mentioned before, she is prone to lung infections that lead to pneumonia.  She got one of these while I was sick and I didn't really notice it so much.  Can't blame hubby either, he had his hands full.  Well, we took her in today and she doesn't have pneumonia, but she was heading in that direction with bronchitis.  It's a common pattern.  She got drugs and should be good soon, but had to miss being calendar person today and is super upset.

Next, we have Little.  She has the common cold which seems to get worse any time the Bear needs attention or coughs.  The Bear coughs, Little coughs.  She is pretty much fine, just has major attitude and doesn't like that mom has been sick and is now giving attention to the Bear.

Finally, we have the dog.  Yes, hubby even took time out of work to take our dog to the vet yesterday.  He has never been to our vet before, so it was about time.  He did this for me because there was no chance I could get off of the couch yesterday and drag the dog and Little to the vet.  It was work to walk up the stairs and since I was doing better, I had Little at home, alone all day.  I really wished I took my training partner up of the offer to take her, but that's ok.  After a while, hearing, "Mommy, mommy, mommy" every 5 minutes just seemed normal. But, back to the dog.  She is walking funny, and we found a huge mass on her belly.  The mass makes it feel funny to walk, so she isn't walking normal.  Then, we found out she has Lyme disease.  Apparently this isn't like it is in humans and you just give her antibiotics for 3 weeks and she should be fine.  The mass turned out to be a fatty mass and nothing to worry about and she should get used to it being there.

Basically, when it rains, it pours.  My kids and I will have to prepare for when hubby gets the stomach virus and cold combo and make sure we take really good care of him.  Maybe even my dog can cuddle him since none of us will want to get close.  Stay healthy everyone, I know my family isn't the only one being hit, it's everywhere and seems so bad this year!

*One more thing.  Hubby's hot Valentine's dinner consisted of taking his girls to Pizza Ranch by himself while I stayed home on the couch.  Just thought my parents would get a kick out of that one!

ONE PIECE OF CAKE IN A MINUTE !!!!!

My neighbor sent me this recipe to add to my blog. I haven't tried it, but I will soon.

ONE PIECE OF CAKE IN A MINUTE !!!!!
 3, 2, 1 CAKE
Individual little cakes ready to eat in one minute! 

INGREDIENTS:
1 box 1-step Angel Food Cake Mix
1 box Cake Mix - Any Flavor
2 Tbsp Water
Makes 1 serving.        

DIRECTIONS:
In a ziploc bag, combine the two cake mixes together and mix well. For each individual cake serving, take out 3 Tablespoons of the cake mix combination and mix it with 2 Tablespoons of water in a small microwave-safe container. Microwave on high for 1 minute, and you have your own instant individual little cake! KEEP remaining cake mixture stored in the ziploc bag and use whenever you feel like a treat! You can top each cake with a dollop of fat free whipped topping and/or some fresh fruit. 

 

3, 2, 1 Cake 

3 tablespoons mix,
2 tablespoons water,
1 minute in the microwave!"